Letting Go

It’s official, we are taking the plunge into real-estate together!  The condo is for sale as of tonight and we are looking at a few larger, 2 bedroom place just across the street.

This is a bittersweet time for me. This condo is simply lovely. This is where I healed from my divorce and feelings of being abandoned. This is where I turned what was such as sad, lonely looking place into a cozy, warm home that makes me smile each day. This is the first place I ever had that was just mine.  This is the first place I ever lived happily alone. This is where I found the old Jenny, the Jenny that was lost over many years. This is where Darryl picked me up for dinner one night and noticed I was calm--- at last.

It is a beautiful place with a lovely balcony overlooking a courtyard garden and fountain. Birds sit on my balcony ledge and squirrels dig in my pots. There is a sunny window over the kitchen sink and room for hundreds of books. But now I am a we- we are we. And we need a tad more room.

I prepped liked crazy the last two weeks. I scrubbed, painted, caulked, cleaned, washed and staged. And now, well, all I can do is wait. We cannot buy a new place until we have an offer on this one; it’s just how things are done now. I do not know where we will be for who knows what will be for sale when this place sells.

I have to let it go and relax. I cannot do anything at this point to make it sell faster. I cannot make the perfect new place appear on the market at the exact time this place sells. I have to let go and relax….

Last night I did anything but- I panicked, I was anxious; I fought for sleep.

Tonight I am getting a massage- it was already booked! Lucky me.  And then I am turning in early with a book.

It is time to let go so this lovely home can be someone else’s safe haven.  It’s the end of a big chapter in my life and the beginning of an even better one.

*I found this image on google images but I cannot find who drew/created it :(

A Lesson from the Winter Tree

Winter brings us many gifts in the garden. One of my favorites is how we can see the beautiful architecture of the trees. In the summer the tree’s thick canopy of leaves offers much desired shade and refuge from the hot sun. In the fall, well of course I am in awe of the radiant colors of autumn rusts, reds, oranges and yellows. But it is in the winter when the tree stands exposed and reveals itself to me; a foundation of a strong, sturdy truck, which branches out into a magnitude of branches upon branches and into more until just a slender twig remains.

When I was at the park this morning, before work, looking to see what was new, I found comfort in the bare winter trees.  As I walked about the grounds, looking for signs of spring, my mind and eyes kept drifting back to the bare trees. Why? They were not showing signs of spring (with the exception of the witch hazel) and I was at the park to look for signs of days to come. Then I had an ah-ha moment. Now is the time to look within, to see what is at my foundation, my core before I start looking too far into the future.

I have a lot of ideas and things I want to do and lately I find that I have done little of anything. I have been simply overwhelmed with ideas, words and thoughts and instead of digging in, I ceased moving.  I have to focus and look at what is at the foundation of what I want to be and what I want to accomplish. I need to build a solid trunk.

Resolution Time is Drawing Near

It’s almost that time of the year when we make resolutions we want to keep, but seldom keep. There are many reasons why we fail, or perhaps I should say why I fail, in keeping  resolutions. The biggest reason being I am simply not committed to them and I set the bar too high.

Recently I got to thinking that many of my resolutions were based on depriving myself which is negative and not providing for myself which is very positive.

For example, I will give up kettle cooked chips- I think I am on year five of this fruitless endeavor.   

There is also the internationally popular resolution- I will lose weight.. OK that is vague and sounds like a HUGE chore. What sounds better is- I will live a healthy life- I will treat my body, myself with love and respect.

I made a few resolutions for this year….

1)   I will forgive myself when I slip. I didn’t get this out of shape overnight, so I am certain to take time to get into shape.

2)   Enjoy food- I will not deprive myself of yummy food, just look into eating more healthy foods that taste great.

3)   I will visit the park several times a week. Being at the park makes me happy, so the more I am there the happier I am and the more likely I will do things that are good for me.

4)   I will purge my bookshelves of books I know I will never read- many I bought because I thought I should read them.

5)   I will replace the released books with titles I want to read- sure they will all be history, gardening and travel but they will be titles I want to read not what I think a History/English/Master Gardener should read.

6)   I will live in my city. Say what? You ask.. more on that later

7)   I will get more sleep!!

8)   I will dedicate myself to creating the life I want – I want to write books.

I think that is good for now…….

What are your resolutions???

** Photo from http://io9.com/

About face!

It’s time for this happiness journey girl to re-focus on being positive. Recent events have been a bit of a distraction and my love of news has not helped, toss in a nasty migraine from *&$##  and you get a bit of a sourpuss on your hands.

Ah, but that is what is so great about our lives. Each day we wake up (God willing) with a new opportunity to make the effort to switch our negative thoughts to positive ones.  Like this---

I want to cut off my head from these blasted migraines.  Now, that is not helpful! 

So a new approach- I am so lucky to have found an acupuncturist and chiropractor I trust and who I know are doing their best to make me well. Include my massage therapist who is at war with my knots and you have what I like to refer to as My Team.

The next great thing to make me happy and smiling- the park. On dreary, cold, gray days I still love being there before work to walk about and take photos and just enjoy the space- just me, the birds and few grounds crew about.  Not many people get to start their day like that. I am lucky and I know it.

I have a family who loves me, a wonderful fiancé, a lovely home, the ability to garden, travel a bit and be with wonderful people. I have prayer to bring me closer to God, mediation to calm my hyper mind and a body that will let me do about all I want.

I am feeling the positive vibes already.

Cheers all!

PS fond this image - http://thinnerandwiser.wordpress.com/

Just Pray

I have no clue how to take what recently happened- the school  shooting- process it and work it into this happiness journey. I was outraged, saddened, dumbstruck, mourning for those who lost everything and those who were lost. Recently feelings of guilt and disgust are taking hold.

Children all murdered all the time in this country. Adults are killed all the time.  Kids bring guns to school because it is cool, because they want to be punks or gangsters, because that is what they see every day at home and in their neighborhood. Do we all jump on Facebook and say how horrible!

Maybe we should.

Maybe we need to get pissed off over each death by gun, knife, fire… until it takes hold within our collective conscious that we will not and cannot continue to disregard life. We need to set a better example for our children.

We have shootings every week in Cincinnati.  I do not see the president talking about gun control then….. I do not get upset when I see reports of most of the shootings in my town; another criminal killing a fellow criminal. What does that say about me?

We treat violence as entertainment. See all the movies? See all the television shows? See all the video games where killing people is entrainment? If seeing violence all the time as glorified, celebrated entertainment does not have an influence on our behavior then explain to me why millions and millions of dollars are spent on advertising each year. I doubt Pepsi does it for kicks.   I watch some of these movies and television shows. What does that say about me?

We all play a part in the horror and the good that happens in our country. Do we continue to celebrate violence and bad behavior over family values, virtue, respect for God, country and fellow man? Do we step in to rescue children who are doomed to a life infused with violence and dead ends or do turn away?

I am rambling. I do not think this blog post is making sense, for how can I make sense of what happened? We cannot fix what is broken with this nation with more laws.  Let us pray for guidance to be better for each other, for ourselves and for our children.

Will 2013 be the Year We Stop Rewarding Bad Behavior?

If you own a television you know that bad behavior is something we reward in today’s society. Reality shows seem to be the worst offenders and a close second are the pop culture news shows which praise celebrities and love to report on their bad actions. What strikes me is the celebrities and athletes who act atrociously, often braking laws, seem to face no ramification.

We hear they screwed up, we talk about it, post pictures, tweet about it and then  that person has a new movie or a record-breaking game and all is in the past. Why don’t we talk about how they had to make good? How they hurt their families and friends?  And how, by the grace of God and the fact that we gave them a pass card, they are able to go back to their life.

Most of us, should we act in the same manner, would not be so fortunate; we may lose our careers, homes and have to start over at ground zero. So not only are we obsessing over bad behavior, we are presenting to our youth an unrealistic outcome of such bad behavior.  Another culprit- many of the television shows which are based on murder, adultery and rape.  When did the rape of a woman or the abuse of a child become entertainment?

I am just as much to blame. I am smitten with some of the RHW shows and I do watch Law & Order SVU from time-to-time. But recently, when I watch a crime show I step out of myself and see myself sitting on the sofa, watching entertainment based on hate and violence and I think, there MUST be a better way to spend one’s time!

The negativity that spews from these shows makes me feel sad, grouchy and sometimes angry. I cannot change the shows on TV and I cannot change how we reward bad behavior but I can stop the influence all this has on my state of well being.

Grow Where You are Planted

I was looking back at my three years with the adopt-a-plots and working on a post for the revised, A Year in the Park, Again, when I came upon this old post of mine from The Garden Life.  It's always fun to read something I wrote and say, .  ah- perfect- just what I needed.

Grow Where You are Planted - This saying has been tumbling around my thoughts the last week. As a lover of all things garden, I see its message in terms of what gardening can teach me about life. I realize this is not a typical garden blog post. So I appreciate you humoring me and sticking with me to the end.

Life is like a garden, it deserves careful thought and consideration. Think carefully and be smart about your decisions. Like plants, not all decisions are easily changed once they are made. And some choices, even the simple ones, like selecting annuals, can have a big impact on the outcome.

Stick to your guns. Seeking advice from books and garden pros is just plain smart. However, it is your garden, your life. Decide what is best for you and stick to your path. Your design may be a bit different, even eccentric, but it is your design so be proud.

Patience Grasshopper. One of the cardinal rules of good garden design is to plan how your garden will look three years down the road. The first year of perennial gardening can be brutal. Hours of preparing the soil, pulling sod, removing rocks and planting your design. Then you wait. As an experienced gardener you know most gardens look their best the second and third year. They need time to get their footing before they prosper. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we feel stuck. Perhaps we want to make a major life change but nothing seems to be happening. We are where we are in life for a reason. Do what you can to set the wheels of change in motion and then concentrate on the present, living today and learning. The rest will come when the time is right.

Oh, you thought it would be easy! Creating a successful garden is not easy. Perhaps you were dealt depleted soil, ravenous deer and a budget. Take what you are given and make it great. Don’t become complacent, dismissive or disinterested. If you do, two years from now you will be standing in the same barren landscape. It’s not called the fruits of our labor for nothing.